Top Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Okay, so I wish this were a "top 10" list, à la David Letterman, but I've only got 5 right now.

Top 5 things I never thought I'd say until I had kids:

5. If no one's bleeding, then work it out yourselves.

4. It's 3 am, I'm in my pajamas, and the only thing I'm buying is Infant Tylenol. How do you think I'm doing today?

3. It's okay, it's just poop.

2. No! Never turn out lights with your tongue!

1. I'm sorry honey, I'm just too tired tonight.